The Validation Detox: I Quit Seeking Approval for 30 Days
It started with a notification. Another like. Another fleeting dopamine hit. Yet somehow, I still felt empty.
I caught myself checking my phone 86 times in a single day—yes, I counted—most often after posting something online or sending a message that ended with, “What do you think?” That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t just engaging. I was hooked.
Not hooked on connection, but on validation.
I needed to do something drastic. So, I challenged myself: 30 days without seeking external approval.
The Challenge
The rules were simple—yet terrifying:
- No asking “What do you think?” after sharing ideas
- No checking social media metrics (likes, comments, shares)
- No fishing for compliments
- No changing my opinions based on others’ reactions
- No seeking permission for decisions I could make myself
It sounded straightforward. It wasn’t.
Week One: The Withdrawal
The first week was brutal.
I caught myself instinctively reaching for my phone after speaking in meetings. My fingers twitched to add “Does that make sense?” to emails. I rewrote social media posts multiple times, realizing they weren’t coming from expression but from a need for approval.
By day five, my journal entry read:
“I feel strangely untethered, like I’m floating through space without gravity. How do I know if my ideas are good if no one tells me?”
That’s when I realized—I had outsourced my self-worth.
Week Two: The Identity Crisis
If I wasn’t getting validation, then who was I?
I started noticing how much of my identity had been shaped by other people’s opinions. Without their feedback, I was left with myself—and that was uncomfortable.
I made small decisions without consulting anyone. What to eat. Which project to prioritize. Whether to say yes or no. Each choice felt both terrifying and liberating at the same time.
Week Three: The Recalibration
Something started to shift.
I no longer second-guessed every word before speaking. I stopped worrying about how my ideas would be received. Instead of looking for reactions, I was listening—to myself.
Then something unexpected happened.
After presenting an idea in a meeting without following it up with “What do you think?”, a colleague approached me afterward and said:
“You seemed really confident today. It was compelling.”
The irony wasn’t lost on me: the less I sought approval, the more naturally it came.
Week Four: The Liberation
By the final week, I had found a new kind of strength.
- I declined an invitation that I normally would have accepted out of obligation.
- I published an article without checking the view count.
- I made a career decision based on my values, not what would impress others.
My last journal entry read:
“I’ve been carrying around a heavy backpack of others’ expectations without realizing it. Setting it down feels like learning to fly.”
The Surprising Results
I expected this challenge to make me more independent. What I didn’t expect was how much it would change everything:
- Better relationships. Without the constant approval-seeking, my interactions became more authentic—and people responded to that.
- Clearer thinking. Without adjusting my thoughts for approval, my mind felt sharp and focused.
- Energy surge. The mental exhaustion from approval-seeking vanished, leaving me with more energy for creativity and presence.
- Stronger intuition. The more I tuned out external noise, the more I trusted myself.
- More respect. Ironically, people respected me more when I wasn’t trying to earn it.
The Ongoing Practice
Do I ignore external feedback completely? Of course not. Thoughtful input is valuable. But there’s a world of difference between seeking feedback for growth and seeking approval for worth.
Even now, I catch myself slipping into old patterns. But now, I recognize the hollowness of external validation versus the solid foundation of self-trust.
What About You?
Have you ever noticed how much of your energy goes into seeking approval? What would it feel like to let go—even for a day?
If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore deeper self-trust and authentic expression. In my coaching and Tantra work, I help people reclaim their inner confidence and cultivate relationships that don’t depend on external validation.
📩 Drop a comment below—what’s one way you can start your own validation detox? Or, if you want to explore this deeper, reach out. Let’s talk about how The Heart Centered Being can support your journey.