My Life Story: The details of the short and dirty of it!
A college paper, turned blog post. Yes, its a bit of a long read, but if you want to get to know me, it’s worth the time!
Introduction
Every life is a tapestry woven from experiences, relationships, and decisions that shape who we become. My journey has been no different. From the family values instilled in me during childhood to the subcultures I explored in adolescence, each stage of life has contributed to the development of my personal identity. As I have moved through the various phases of life, I was guided by the search for authenticity, a deeper connection with others, and a yearning for self-expression. These influences have led me to a path of spiritual and professional growth, culminating in my work with Tantra, Nonviolent Communication, and creating spaces for men to explore vulnerability and personal transformation.
The stories we learn early on often guide how we view the world, and my upbringing provided a blend of traditional expectations and a longing for something more profound. Through the contrasting lessons of family, subcultures like the Goth scene, and later the embrace of spiritual practices, I found myself navigating a space between structure and rebellion, security and exploration. This personal tension laid the foundation for the work I do today, guiding others through their own processes of self-discovery.
This paper explores the key influences and events that have shaped my life journey, including my family, early friendships, my immersion in subcultures, and my later work as a Tantra Teacher and community leader. Each of these factors played a significant role in developing my understanding of love, connection, community, and spirituality. Through reflection on these pivotal moments, I hope to uncover how my life has been shaped by both the expected and the unforeseen, and how each experience has driven me toward a life that is truly authentic and aligned with my core values.
In examining these life experiences, this paper will also delve into how I have come to understand the balance between masculinity and vulnerability, the integration of shadow and light, and the ever-present desire to live authentically. From the lessons of my childhood to the work I do today, my life story is a testament to the power of embracing both the challenges and beauty of the human experience.
Early Life and Family Influences
My early life was shaped by a dynamic and evolving family structure. My mother was a single parent raising two boys—my younger brother and me—until I was around nine years old. She worked hard to provide for us, modeling resilience and determination in a way that deeply influenced my understanding of responsibility. As the eldest, I often felt a sense of duty to help out and contribute in any way I could, which ingrained in me the importance of commitment and reliability from a young age.
When my mother remarried, our family expanded. My stepfather became a central figure in my life, offering a sense of stability and guidance that I hadn’t experienced before. However, the dynamics shifted again when he left the family around the time I turned 16. This sudden change created another layer of complexity, forcing me to step into a more adult role earlier than I might have expected. The experience taught me about the impermanence of relationships and the importance of self-reliance, but it also reinforced the value of family bonds, even in the face of uncertainty.
One of the most defining aspects of my family was the inclusion of my new step brother, Blair, who became part of our lives during my mother’s third marriage to her husband Jim. Blair, who is Black, added a unique dynamic to our family, and being part of a blended, multicultural household expanded my perspective on diversity and inclusion at an early age. Growing up alongside Blair taught me the importance of empathy, understanding, and standing up against societal judgments or biases. We were a family that didn’t fit into the typical mold, and I learned to embrace that difference, which eventually influenced my openness to nontraditional relationships and communities later in life.
Through all the changes and challenges, my family instilled in me key lessons about responsibility, commitment, and authenticity. My mother’s strength and perseverance as a single parent, coupled with the ups and downs of my stepfather’s presence, taught me the value of showing up for the people you love. At the same time, growing up in a family that didn’t adhere to traditional norms encouraged me to find my own path and embrace the idea that living authentically sometimes means defying societal expectations. These early lessons would become foundational in my personal journey, shaping my approach to relationships, community, and self-expression throughout the rest of my life.
Parental Influence on Ideas of Marriage and Family
The relationships I observed between my parents and their partners shaped my early ideas of marriage and family, though not always in the ways one might expect. Growing up, I witnessed two very different approaches to partnership through my mother’s relationships. As a single mother for the first nine years or so of my life, she modeled independence and resilience, balancing the roles of both caregiver and provider. Watching her navigate life without a partner instilled in me a deep respect for strength and self-sufficiency, but it also left me with questions about the role of partnership in building a family.
When my mother remarried, I experienced a shift in our household dynamic. My stepfather brought stability and a sense of partnership to the family that I hadn’t seen before. For a time, this relationship gave me a more traditional view of marriage, one rooted in teamwork and shared responsibility. My stepfather became a role model of what a father figure could be, and his presence provided a sense of balance to the household. However, when he left the family when I was around 16, that stability was shattered, and I was once again reminded of the fragility of relationships.
The dissolution of my mother’s second marriage deeply impacted my understanding of commitment and the realities of long-term partnerships. It showed me that even relationships that seem strong and stable can falter, and that sometimes, individuals grow apart despite their best efforts. This experience taught me that marriage is not a guarantee of permanence and that love and commitment require ongoing effort and flexibility. It also highlighted the importance of personal growth within a relationship, as I witnessed how unmet needs and unresolved conflicts can strain even the strongest of bonds.
Through these experiences, I developed a nuanced view of marriage and family. On one hand, I value the stability and companionship that a committed partnership can provide. On the other, I recognize that relationships are complex, and maintaining a healthy marriage requires communication, growth, and a willingness to adapt. My family’s journey also reinforced the idea that family is not solely defined by blood or traditional structures. My step brother, Blair, and the way my family blended different cultural and racial backgrounds taught me that family is about the bonds we build and the love we share, rather than just biology or convention.
Ultimately, these parental influences shaped my approach to relationships today. I’ve learned that while marriage can be a source of deep connection and support, it is not without challenges, and the traditional idea of family is just one of many ways to experience love and community. This understanding has informed both my personal relationships and my work as a Tantra Teacher, where I help others navigate the complexities of partnership, love, and family in ways that honor authenticity and growth.
Impact of Grandparent (or Elder Figure)
In many families, grandparents serve as a source of wisdom, tradition, and continuity, but for me, the absence of my grandfather profoundly shaped my understanding of family, heritage, and values. My mother was forced to leave home at the age of 17 when she became pregnant with me, a decision driven by my grandfather’s rigid and intolerant worldview. He was a proud card-carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan, a fact that I learned later in life and one that left me with a sense of relief that he was never a part of my upbringing. Knowing that such hatred and prejudice ran through a branch of my family tree gave me a clearer sense of the kind of person I didn’t want to become and the values I wanted to stand against.
While my grandfather’s absence could be seen as a gap in terms of missing an elder figure, I see it as a blessing. The toxic legacy of racism and intolerance that he represented was something my mother actively distanced herself from when she moved to Texas and later to California, where I have lived since I was around three years old. Her choice to remove herself from that environment was one of the most defining decisions in shaping my family’s future. Instead of growing up surrounded by the harmful beliefs my grandfather held, I was raised in a more open and diverse environment that allowed me to form my own understanding of inclusivity, compassion, and respect for others, regardless of their background.
The absence of my grandfather also deepened my appreciation for the strength of my mother. She had the courage to break free from a toxic family structure and build a life for herself and her children in an entirely new state. Her resilience and ability to create a family rooted in love, despite the challenges she faced, became one of the most significant lessons I took with me into adulthood. In many ways, the lack of an elder figure like my grandfather provided the space for my mother to fill that role in a much more positive and impactful way. She became the guiding force in my life, teaching me the values of empathy, acceptance, and the importance of creating your own path, even when it means leaving behind those who do not align with your principles.
In reflecting on my grandfather’s absence, I recognize that sometimes the most influential figures in our lives are the ones who aren’t there. His absence shaped me by reinforcing the importance of standing against hatred, bigotry, and close-mindedness. It also showed me that family is not determined solely by blood, but by the values we choose to live by and the people we surround ourselves with. This understanding has played a crucial role in the way I approach my relationships and the communities I build today, where inclusivity and acceptance are at the heart of everything I do.
The Influence of the Goth Subculture and Adolescent Identity
My adolescent years were deeply intertwined with the Goth subculture, which played a significant role in shaping my identity and worldview. This period, marked by exploration and a yearning for something deeper than what was readily available in mainstream culture, became a formative time in my life. Through the music, fashion, and ethos of Goth, I found not only a community of like-minded individuals but also a powerful means of self-expression.
The Goth subculture, with its dark aesthetics, alternative values, and introspective nature, felt like a refuge for those of us who didn’t quite fit the traditional mold. It offered a space where questioning the status quo was not only accepted but celebrated. For me, it provided an opportunity to explore themes like death, melancholy, and the shadows of the human experience in a way that felt authentic. In many ways, the subculture aligned with my own inner journey of trying to make sense of the world, which often felt confusing and chaotic.
One of the central elements of the Goth subculture was the music, which became a major influence on my emotional and intellectual development. Bands like The Cure, Bauhaus, and Joy Division captured the complexity of emotions I was grappling with—feelings of alienation, existential questioning, and a search for meaning. The music wasn’t just entertainment; it was a way to connect with others who were going through similar experiences. Lyrics that spoke of sorrow, beauty in darkness, and the rejection of superficiality mirrored my internal dialogue. In these songs, I found a sense of belonging that extended beyond the walls of the school and the confines of my urban life.
Fashion was another significant component of my involvement in the Goth subculture. Long, flowing black gowns, lace, fishnets, and velvet were all staples of my wardrobe. Dressing in this way wasn’t just about aesthetics—it was about creating a visual statement that communicated who I was on the inside. It was a rejection of societal norms and an embrace of individuality. My appearance became a reflection of the internal struggle to define myself outside of the expectations imposed on me by family, peers, and society at large. While others may have viewed my style as strange or unsettling, to me, it was a powerful form of self-expression and empowerment.
Beyond the music and fashion, the Goth subculture introduced me to a community of people who shared my desire to question mainstream values and seek out deeper meaning. Many of my friends during this time were also grappling with their own identities and feelings of alienation, and we bonded over our mutual search for authenticity. Our conversations would often center around philosophy, art, literature, and the darker sides of human nature. We weren’t interested in conforming; rather, we sought to create our own sense of belonging through shared interests in alternative ideas and lifestyles.
These friendships helped me develop a stronger sense of who I was, not just as an individual, but as someone who could navigate the complexities of identity. The Goth subculture fostered a sense of community where difference was celebrated, and in that, I found the freedom to explore parts of myself that might have otherwise remained hidden. This period of my life helped me understand that identity is multifaceted, and it’s okay to embrace all aspects of oneself—even those that might seem contradictory or uncomfortable.
At the same time, my involvement in the Goth scene also set me apart from others in ways that were sometimes isolating. I stood out in my urban high school, not just because of how I looked but because of the ideas I espoused. While I found comfort in my chosen subculture, I also felt the sting of being misunderstood by those outside of it. This sense of otherness, however, only strengthened my resolve to live authentically. The experience of being “different” taught me valuable lessons about resilience, self-acceptance, and the importance of community, even when that community exists outside of the mainstream.
As I reflect on this period now, it’s clear that the Goth subculture played an integral role in shaping the person I am today. It helped me cultivate a strong sense of self, even in the face of societal pressures to conform. The lessons I learned from that time—about authenticity, self-expression, and finding beauty in the unconventional—have stayed with me and continue to inform my approach to life. Whether through my personal relationships or my professional work as a Tantra Teacher and coach, I continue to seek out spaces where people can connect deeply, authentically, and without fear of judgment. The Goth subculture may have been a phase in my adolescence, but its influence on my identity and life path is lasting.
Professional and Spiritual Growth: Tantra and Nonviolent Communication
As I transitioned from adolescence into adulthood, the Goth subculture’s emphasis on authenticity and deep emotional exploration laid the groundwork for my professional and spiritual journey. This path led me to Tantra and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), two pivotal influences that shaped not only my personal growth but also the work I do today. Through Tantra, I found a profound way to connect with myself and others on a spiritual and energetic level, while NVC helped me develop tools for communication that aligned with my desire for authentic, compassionate connection.
Tantra: A Path of Embodied Spirituality
Tantra entered my life as more than just a spiritual practice—it was a call to explore the deeper layers of my own being and to help others do the same. In many ways, Tantra mirrored the lessons I learned from the Goth subculture: the embrace of the shadow, the exploration of desire, and the quest for a life lived fully and authentically. However, Tantra added another dimension by integrating spirituality with sexuality, something that was both liberating and transformative for me.
As I began studying Tantra, I discovered that it wasn’t just about intimacy and connection with others—it was about embodying a sacred relationship with myself. Tantra taught me to honor my desires and to approach life with a sense of mindfulness and presence. Through practices like meditation, breathwork, and energetic work, I began to unravel the layers of conditioning that had been imposed on me and to reconnect with my true essence. This journey of self-discovery allowed me to integrate my spiritual growth with my understanding of the body, pleasure, and the sacred.
In addition to personal transformation, Tantra became the foundation of my professional work. As I pursued my certification as a Tantra educator, I realized that I could offer people a way to connect deeply with themselves and others, to heal from past traumas, and to experience life more fully. My teachings center around creating a safe space where individuals can explore their boundaries, desires, and fears without judgment. This work has not only enriched my own life but has allowed me to guide others on their own paths of healing and growth, helping them to embrace their inner power and authenticity.
Nonviolent Communication: The Power of Compassionate Dialogue
Around the same time that I began my journey with Tantra, I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a framework developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC’s principles of empathy, active listening, and compassionate dialogue resonated deeply with me, especially given my own experiences with feedback and communication challenges. In my early life, feedback had often felt like criticism, and I had struggled to open myself to it. However, NVC offered me a new way to approach conversations, one that was rooted in empathy, understanding, and the pursuit of mutual connection.
NVC became a critical tool not only in my personal relationships but also in my professional work. It provided me with a language to navigate difficult conversations with clarity and compassion, allowing me to hold space for others while also honoring my own needs. This was particularly important in my coaching and counseling work, where sensitive topics around intimacy, boundaries, and healing often arise. NVC gave me the tools to facilitate these conversations in a way that fostered trust and openness, rather than defensiveness or conflict.
One of the key lessons I learned from NVC was the importance of listening—not just to respond, but to understand. In my role as a Transformational Empowerment Coach and Tantra Teacher, this has been invaluable. Whether I’m leading a workshop, facilitating a men’s group, or working one-on-one with clients, I strive to create an environment where people feel heard and validated. NVC’s emphasis on empathy has allowed me to connect with my clients on a deeper level, helping them feel safe enough to explore their vulnerabilities and desires.
Additionally, NVC has transformed how I relate to myself. In the past, I could be my own harshest critic, but through the practice of self-empathy, I’ve learned to approach my own thoughts and feelings with kindness and understanding. This shift has had a ripple effect on my life, making me more grounded and compassionate, both in my personal relationships and in my professional interactions.
Integrating Tantra and NVC: A Holistic Approach to Connection
Both Tantra and NVC have become integral to my professional and spiritual growth. Together, they offer a holistic approach to connection—one that embraces the body, mind, and spirit. Tantra encourages presence and authenticity, while NVC provides a compassionate framework for communication. By integrating these two practices, I’ve been able to cultivate deeper, more meaningful relationships with myself and others.
In my work, I emphasize the importance of both self-awareness and compassionate dialogue. I guide my clients through Tantra-based practices that help them connect with their inner selves and the energetic flow within their bodies. At the same time, I teach them the principles of NVC to enhance their communication skills, helping them express their needs and desires without fear of judgment. This dual approach has been particularly effective in helping people navigate their relationships—whether romantic, familial, or professional—by fostering authenticity, empathy, and connection.
Looking back, I can see how the seeds planted during my time in the Goth subculture—the focus on authenticity, emotional exploration, and the rejection of societal norms—have blossomed into a career that aligns with my values and passions. Tantra and NVC have not only deepened my spiritual practice but have also allowed me to live and work in a way that feels true to who I am. Through these practices, I continue to grow both personally and professionally, always striving to live a life that honors connection, authenticity, and compassion.
Community and Leadership: Building Sacred Spaces
As my spiritual and professional journey evolved, one of the most meaningful transformations came in the form of community leadership. The integration of Tantra, Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and my personal growth led me to a deeper understanding of the importance of building safe, sacred spaces for people to explore their own paths to healing, connection, and self-discovery. This chapter of my life has been about creating environments where individuals can come together, explore their edges, and support each other in authentic connection. In doing so, I’ve not only expanded my own sense of purpose but also stepped into a leadership role that emphasizes inclusivity, respect, and sacred connection.
The Birth of The Sacred Kings
One of the most pivotal moments in this leadership journey was the creation of The Sacred Kings, my online transformational men’s group. The group was born from a desire to provide men with a safe space to explore their emotions, desires, and personal growth. For many men, society’s expectations can stifle vulnerability, leaving them disconnected from their authentic selves and from others. I wanted to change that by offering a community that values openness, accountability, and connection. The group provides men with tools and exercises to explore their inner landscapes, especially focusing on unmet needs, a topic that has deeply resonated with the group over time.
The Sacred Kings is built on the foundation of Nonviolent Communication and embodiment practices rooted in Tantra. Our gatherings include honest, vulnerable conversations, often around difficult topics like relationships, identity, and the challenges of modern masculinity. We engage in exercises that push participants to explore their edges—such as the powerful three-round questioning exercise: “What do you want?” “Why do you want it?” and “What is in the way?” This exercise forces participants to dive deep into their desires, while the rest of the group offers enthusiastic support, reflecting back their answers to create clarity and empowerment.
Leading The Sacred Kings has taught me the importance of vulnerability in leadership. As I guide others through their personal journeys, I, too, have had to confront my own fears, limitations, and insecurities. However, this vulnerability has been a source of strength, helping me connect with the men in the group on a deeper level and modeling the kind of openness that I ask from them. The result has been the creation of a brotherhood where men feel truly seen and supported in their personal growth.
Tantra-Based Events: Cultivating Sacred Spaces for Connection
In addition to leading The Sacred Kings, I have expanded my work into the broader community by organizing and facilitating other Tantra-based events. These events, such as Tantra Groove Night, The Art of Touch, and Sacred Connections, focus on creating sacred spaces where participants can explore connection, communication, and intimacy in a safe, nonjudgmental environment. The goal is to help individuals break down the barriers that often prevent them from experiencing deep, authentic connections—both with themselves and with others.
One of the central themes in my events is the balance of masculine and feminine energies within each individual, which we explore through practices that involve movement, touch, and meditation. For example, The Shiva Shakti Energetic Circle is a workshop designed to guide participants through the dance of these energies within their own bodies, helping them to experience the dynamic interplay between giving and receiving, strength and softness, action and surrender. These workshops provide people with the tools to connect with their energetic selves while also learning to hold space for others in meaningful ways.
Another event I am proud of is Tantra Speed Date, which brings single people together in a fun, yet profound way to explore intimacy and connection in short, guided interactions. These interactions often include eye-gazing, guided touch exercises, and communication games that allow participants to experience vulnerability in a structured and supportive environment. Through these events, I’ve seen countless individuals have breakthroughs in how they approach intimacy, relationships, and their own self-awareness.
My role as a leader in these spaces is to create an environment where individuals can safely explore their boundaries, desires, and fears. This requires careful attention to the energetic dynamics of the group, as well as the facilitation of trust-building exercises that help participants feel comfortable being vulnerable. In every event, I emphasize the importance of consent, communication, and respect for one another’s boundaries—values that align with both my Tantra and NVC training.
The Importance of Inclusivity and Gender Balance
One of the key values in the sacred spaces I create is inclusivity. I am mindful of the need to foster gender balance in my events, recognizing that a diverse group creates a richer, more balanced experience for everyone involved. To ensure this, I’ve adopted a policy where the payment of one attendee enables another attendee of a different gender to join, creating a more harmonious and inclusive environment. This practice not only supports gender diversity but also encourages people to see themselves as part of a collective experience rather than isolated individuals.
Inclusivity extends beyond gender balance to include individuals from all walks of life—regardless of their background, experience level, or orientation. I have created spaces where people of all identities feel welcome to explore their authentic selves. This is particularly important to me given my own background, including my experience growing up in a multiracial family and navigating societal challenges related to identity and acceptance. Events like Sacred Connections are designed to break down societal barriers, allowing participants to connect on a soul level, rather than being defined by external labels.
Leadership as Service
Ultimately, my role as a leader in these communities is one of service. I am deeply committed to holding space for others in their journeys of self-discovery and transformation. This requires not only knowledge and experience but also a deep sense of humility and responsibility. I understand that my role is not to provide answers but to guide others in finding their own truths. Whether through Tantra, NVC, or the many community events I facilitate, my goal is to create sacred spaces where people feel safe to explore, grow, and connect.
Leading these communities has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my life. It has given me the opportunity to live in alignment with my values of authenticity, compassion, and connection, while also helping others to do the same. Through The Sacred Kings, my Tantra-based events, and my commitment to inclusivity, I am proud to have created sacred spaces where individuals can come together, support one another, and embark on their own journeys of personal and spiritual growth.
Historical Events Impacting My Adolescence and Early Adulthood
The late 1980s and early 1990s were also a profound and transformative period, both culturally and personally. One of the most significant events for me was the Gulf War, specifically Operation Desert Shield turning into Operation Desert Storm. I was in my late teens at the time, and the suddenness of a defensive operation morphing into full-scale war was jarring. This event, along with the broader geopolitical tensions of the time, made me question the role of power, control, and violence in society, which influenced my later journey into nonviolence and personal healing. Seeing how quickly the world could turn toward conflict sparked an interest in finding ways to resolve differences without aggression—a theme that has woven itself through my adult life and work, especially through Tantra and Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Culturally, the rise of alternative lifestyles also impacted my worldview. As I delved into the Goth subculture, it was clear that there was a growing movement of individuals exploring non-mainstream identities, forms of expression, and ways of living. I gravitated toward these spaces because they offered a refuge for those who didn’t fit into the conventional molds of society. The emergence of polyamory, Tantra, and other alternative relationship structures further shaped my understanding of human connection, intimacy, and community. These cultural shifts presented new ways of viewing relationships and spirituality that defied the traditional narratives I had grown up with. They also aligned with my own desire for authenticity and deeper connections with others.
Unanswered Life Questions
Despite the personal growth I’ve experienced through my work in Tantra and NVC, there are still lingering questions that continue to shape my journey. One of the most significant is the question of self-worth and visibility. From a young age, I grappled with the feeling of not being truly seen or understood by others, a theme that often reemerged throughout my adolescence and early adulthood. Even today, as a community leader and teacher, there are moments where I question whether I am truly being seen for who I am or if I am still hiding parts of myself in order to meet others’ expectations.
These unresolved questions about worth and visibility fuel my continued exploration of self and my desire to help others navigate their own journeys. Much of my work, particularly in building sacred spaces and guiding others through their emotional and spiritual challenges, stems from a desire to create environments where people feel seen, heard, and accepted. Through helping others, I continue to find deeper insights into my own sense of worth and belonging.
As I work with others, guiding them to explore their unmet needs, I am constantly reminded of how interconnected we all are in our desires to be understood and accepted. These lingering questions keep me grounded in my mission to help others while also reminding me that personal growth is a lifelong process. The questions I carry with me serve as a compass for my ongoing exploration and commitment to authenticity and connection.
Evolving Views on Family, Marriage, and Parenting
My views on family, marriage, and parenting have evolved significantly over time, shaped by both personal experiences and broader societal shifts. Growing up in a family marked by change and resilience, I saw firsthand how family dynamics could transform through the challenges of divorce, remarriage, and the blending of different backgrounds. These early experiences laid the foundation for my understanding of family, but it wasn’t until adulthood—through my own relationships and exploration of non-traditional structures like polyamory—that my views truly began to shift.
Traditional Family and Early Lessons
As a child, I observed the more traditional model of family. My mother, a single parent until I was nine, worked tirelessly to provide stability and care for my brother and me. Her dedication and independence set a powerful example of strength and perseverance. When she remarried, I was introduced to the idea of a more conventional two-parent household, and for a time, I experienced the stability that comes with that structure. However, when my stepfather left the family during my teenage years, the fragile nature of relationships became clear to me. I learned that even seemingly solid foundations could break apart, and that family, at its core, wasn’t defined solely by structure or roles but by the love and commitment shared between its members.
Watching my mother navigate single parenthood once again, I saw how family could be both resilient and fluid. The addition of my new step brother, Blair, to our family expanded my view of what family could be. Blair’s presence reinforced that family is not simply about bloodlines but about connection and the willingness to show up for one another, even across differences in race and background. These early lessons, while steeped in traditional ideas of family, also hinted at the flexibility of the concept and its capacity to adapt to changing circumstances.
Marriage: A Shift from Tradition to Authenticity
My early understanding of marriage was shaped by my parents’ experiences. My mother’s marriages taught me that commitment could be fleeting and that love, while powerful, sometimes isn’t enough to sustain a relationship through life’s challenges. Her relationships showed me both the beauty of partnership and the pain of separation. This duality sparked a lifelong curiosity about what makes some relationships thrive while others fail, and it prompted me to seek answers in my own experiences.
As I grew older and began exploring non-traditional forms of relationships, particularly through the lens of polyamory, my views on marriage shifted dramatically. I came to understand that marriage, in its traditional form, was not the only way to experience deep, committed relationships. Polyamory opened my eyes to the idea that love and connection can exist in multiple forms and that the success of a relationship isn’t necessarily tied to exclusivity or a specific structure. This realization allowed me to redefine marriage as a partnership rooted in authenticity, communication, and mutual growth, rather than a rigid contract based on societal expectations.
Polyamory and my work with Tantra have also taught me that relationships, whether monogamous or otherwise, are about more than just love—they are about trust, respect, and the freedom to evolve alongside one another. I’ve come to see marriage not as a destination but as a journey, one where both partners have the space to grow individually and together. This perspective has transformed how I approach my own relationships, focusing on communication, openness, and a deep commitment to being authentic with my partners.
Parenting: Learning and Evolving
Parenting, much like my views on marriage, has been a journey of learning and evolution. As a father, I’ve had to confront the same challenges my mother faced in balancing responsibility, care, and connection with my children. Co-parenting with my ex-wife has required a level of communication and cooperation that isn’t always easy, especially given the complexities of our relationship and the use of a court-monitored third-party communication tool. However, these challenges have taught me the importance of consistency, patience, and maintaining a strong presence in my children’s lives, even when circumstances are difficult.
My evolving views on family have also influenced how I approach parenting. Rather than adhering to strict roles or expectations, I aim to create a nurturing environment where my children feel safe to express themselves and explore their identities. I want them to understand that family is not just about shared responsibilities but about supporting one another’s growth. As they grow older, I encourage open communication and try to model the values of authenticity and emotional intelligence that I’ve learned through Tantra and Nonviolent Communication.
In many ways, parenting has been one of the most transformative aspects of my life. It has pushed me to continuously grow and adapt, both in my relationship with my children and in how I view myself as a father. Just as my understanding of family and marriage has expanded, so too has my approach to parenting—moving from a focus on providing and protecting to fostering emotional connection and supporting my children’s individuality.
Ultimately, my views on family, marriage, and parenting have evolved from a traditional framework into one that embraces fluidity, authenticity, and emotional connection. While my early life was shaped by more conventional ideas, my experiences as an adult—through polyamory, Tantra, and personal growth—have broadened my understanding of what it means to build and sustain meaningful relationships. I’ve learned that family is not static; it’s an ever-evolving entity that thrives on love, openness, and the willingness to grow together. This understanding continues to shape my role as a father, partner, and community leader, as I strive to live and lead in alignment with these values.
Conclusion: Integrating the Past and Present
As I reflect on the journey that has brought me to where I am today, I see how my past experiences have intricately woven together to shape my current path. From my early upbringing in a family marked by resilience, change, and diversity, to my exploration of alternative subcultures like the Goth scene, each stage of life has contributed valuable lessons. These experiences—both the challenging and the affirming—have allowed me to form a deeper understanding of myself, relationships, and the world around me.
The lessons of responsibility and commitment that I learned from my mother’s example during her years as a single parent and in her subsequent marriages continue to inform how I approach relationships and parenting today. They have helped me balance the need for structure with a commitment to personal authenticity, a balance I strive to bring into every aspect of my life—both as a father and as a leader in my community.
My immersion in the Goth subculture during adolescence introduced me to the power of embracing one’s identity outside of societal norms, a theme that has been echoed in my adult life through my exploration of Tantra and Nonviolent Communication. These practices, which emphasize authenticity, presence, and connection, have become the foundation of my personal and professional work. They have allowed me to create sacred spaces where others can explore their own emotional landscapes, discover deeper truths, and experience healing and transformation.
At the same time, my evolving views on family, marriage, and relationships have broadened my understanding of what it means to love and connect with others. Through polyamory and my work with Tantra, I’ve learned that love is not confined to traditional structures, and that relationships, like individuals, are dynamic and ever-changing. This perspective has reshaped my approach to family and parenting, where I prioritize openness, communication, and support for the unique paths of each of my children.
The lingering questions I have carried with me throughout my life—about self-worth, visibility, and being truly seen—continue to drive my personal exploration and my desire to help others do the same. Through my work with The Sacred Kings and in the sacred spaces I create, I aim to foster environments where individuals feel safe to be vulnerable, to ask difficult questions, and to find deeper connections with themselves and others.
Ultimately, my life has been one of integration—bringing together the lessons of the past with the insights of the present. Each chapter has informed the next, helping me grow into the person I am today: a father, a community leader, a healer, and a seeker of authenticity. As I continue on this journey, I am committed to living in alignment with my values of connection, compassion, and personal growth, always honoring the lessons of the past while remaining open to the possibilities of the future.